Chazz On Embracing the Decision Not to Forgive

Forgiveness is often seen as a noble and virtuous act.  Throughout history and across various cultures, the idea of forgiving others has been praised as a path to ‘inner peace’ and ‘growth’. While forgiveness can indeed be transformative, I’ve realised that there is one person from my past life that I will never be able to forgive (yeah, yeah. I know). Here’s the thing though, I am genuinely happy with this decision.

You might think  I’m placing some sort of burden on myself, but me forgiving this vile human being will be a burden in itself. No, this is not some kind of catch 22 situation.

Society portrays forgiveness as some sort of moral obligation, an act of grace and the ultimate path to healing. However, the reality is far more complex. Not forgiving someone does not necessarily ultimately make us bitter or vengeful. However, forgiving someone who has caused profound harm can be emotionally demanding and may even feel impossible. Personally, carrying this burden of forgiveness will lead to a great deal of unpleasant emotions, perpetuating the emotional turmoil instead of alleviating it. Am I twisted for feeling this way? Lol, don’t answer that.

Don’t assume that my decision not to forgive is an act of vengeance or a refusal to move on, I’ve simply acknowledged the complexity of the hurt I experienced. Some wounds run deep, and the pain inflicted is irreparable.

The world owes me absolutely nothing. Trauma is trauma. We go through what we go through. It is what the f*** it is. But I’ve come a long way building my self respect and trying to prevent further exploitation. By refusing to forgive this person, I am standing up for the little girl I was, asserting that she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

From an early age, we are taught that forgiveness is a virtue, and holding grudges is frowned upon. This societal pressure can lead us to believe that we are somehow flawed if we cannot find it in our hearts to forgive someone who have wronged us deeply. However, true healing cannot be achieved if we force ourselves into forgiving insincerely. I’m not in the business of kidding myself. I will never forgive this person. It’s okay if you don’t want to forgive someone that has extraordinarily hurt you. Not forgiving does not mean carrying the weight of resentment indefinitely. You will heal. Focus on that.

– Chazz.